wow its been a while. well I thought id vent on here cause atleast I wont get into that awkward moment where no one knows what to say. I think that ive been a good enough person to deserve atleast some of the joys in life. happiness is one. love is the next. and everytime I try to convince myself that I have both, I wind up with the exact opposite. I didnt get who I wanted and im not happy with my life. sure I accomplished what I could to get me this far but apparently it wasnt enough. im at that point where I just want everyone to leave just so i know what my life is gonna be like later on. I thought maybe if I tried hard enough, ill get to feel what everyone else is feeling. this year made me realize that I cant.force or convince anyone to have the same feelings as me because in the end, I wind up with the same result. disappointment.